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PielleAyan’s business background is mainly in mortgages, administrative work and customer service. She currently serves as Vice President on The Kumara Center’s Core Council and is also a member of the Marketing Committee. She is the mother of two teenagers and recently engaged. She is inspired by being able to be of service, living from the heart and being able to be witness to people on their journey to awareness, including her own. PielleAyan also does energy work which can take on and come in different forms. For fun, she loves spending time and doing things with family, friends and her fellow Kumarians. PielleAyan also enjoys being able to go off on her own to sit in meditation, contemplation or read a book, especially on a beautiful day.

My Story

I came to this work from a long history of depression. It started in my teens and I didn’t make life easy for myself, so it was one disaster after another that just continued to snowball. When I was pregnant with my son, I guess you could say I found God, but what I really found was a path, a very ambiguous one as I found Christianity to be, but a path none-the-less. I became thirsty for this loving and forgiving God everyone spoke of. I had had dreams of Jesus apologizing to me, that I would never be allowed into heaven and I was in need of this love and forgiveness He was able to bestow upon those worthy of it. I started reading things, going to church, attending special classes and prayed a lot. I was raised sort of Catholic, my mother was Catholic, but my dad was atheist, so my church experience up until then was religious education classes through eighth grade and then basically just going to church on Easter.

Even though I was on this new path, the depression got worse as time wore on. I wanted out, I no longer wanted to live. When I was little I remember clearly thinking that this life was all a dream, and that all these people I saw and the world around me only existed in what felt like my head, that there was really only me in this dream. I used to say that living on earth was the real hell, that not being in the dream was where I would find heaven. I started to try and figure out how to pull off suicide. Three things constantly stood in my way: studies show females for the most part don’t pull off successful suicides and it had to be successful, I wanted it to look like an accident because I didn’t want the kids to grow up with that hanging over their heads, and lastly was the idea that suicides just come right back around to another life and I wanted to be done with this whole life thing. I ended up seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist, being diagnosed with chronic depression and being put on medication. I just didn’t understand the world, how it worked and didn’t want to be a part of it.

During this time in therapy I found my first spiritual guide. I attended her meditation workshops, she taught me all about the chakras and she took me under her wing and helped open me up to the magic of life that is out there just waiting to be discovered. Still thirsty, I read everything I could get my hands on and I came across the teachings of many other spiritual guides, all directing me to a path of awareness and self-realization. As time passed I felt that my new understandings and circle of supportive people were enough and I was able to come off of the medication and stop the therapy. Then there came a point where my guide and I knew that the time had come for me to find a new guru, and that my path was taking a turn. What I was looking for was not in her experiences or on her path. Everything in life started pointing to leaving Long Island and moving south to the Charlotte area of North Carolina and so we packed up and made the move.

After getting to Charlotte, the depression started up again. Things were just not going well at all and were quite bad. I quickly fell back into the chronic depression and again the suicidal thoughts returned. I made a plea to the universe because this time, my three sticking points didn’t have the same power and I really just didn’t care anymore. I was so upset with the universe; I was convinced that I was following Spirit by moving to Charlotte and now it was just so bad. I asked that if I was meant to live, show me the way and fast because I didn’t know how much longer I could hold on.

Someone suggested that I try to find a Charlotte Meet-Up group to find friends and like-minded people. I signed up for 12 groups, and waited to become an approved member, one of them being Create a New World, which was organized and run by Shusara Akona Kumara. Create a New World was the only group to respond. The first time I walked through the door to one of her events I clearly heard the words, “She is to be your next guru.” Of course, being the incredibly untrusting individual I was I kept ignoring that voice for months while I continued to attend her events and get a better feel for her. When I could no longer ignore the pull, I had no idea what to expect but I knew that annoying voice that was tugging at me had never been wrong before, plus I knew it would never be quiet either, I took the chance and asked her to please be my spiritual guide.

It’s been five years now that Shusara has been my guide. There are people who know me now that did not know me five or more years ago and if I happen to share an experience with them of how I was in the past they can’t even believe what I’m saying. I tell people that working with Shusara saved my life and people tend to giggle at that, but I wish I could convey to you how true that really is. I was done with life. If it weren’t for my kids I don’t know if I would have even made it to her.  Everything I had tried up until my work with her had just been a Band-Aid. I will say my previous guru and the many books and teachings I had come across were a great prep for my current work but it was all missing something.

I have recently realized that The Kumara Center for Spiritual Awareness is my life. Sure I have a full time job, I’ve got kids, a fiancée, friends and family, but outside of the demands of my household, my first priority is The Kumara Center and the work. One of the many teachings is that your life is your spiritual path, and I’ve realized the same is in the reverse there is no separation. I love this work. I see so much unnecessary suffering going on with people and it breaks my heart and I know that there is a path to true liberation. I also know this path isn’t for everyone. This path takes work, it takes courage, it takes perseverance and it can put you through the ringer, but I always come out on the other side grateful for the experience and what I have seen. I came to this work looking for a way to function in life and live it so I could find some sort of happiness and this work has far exceeded anything that I even thought was possible. Now that doesn’t mean everything is always rosy, because you’re here until you’re not (another teaching) but I have the tools I need to stay on this path of mastery and liberation. This work not only provides you with teachings and meditation but it also has a technique that no other path has called processing which has been the biggest piece for me so far toward achieving that liberation.

If you are truly willing to do the work and try to understand the teachings of The Kumara Center, I guarantee you will find the same that the rest of us have. You have to do the work though. Shusara is a guide, she can’t do it for you. The work is experiential, you have the teachings, but as you experience them, which occurs mainly through processing, and on different levels too, your world will begin to change. When I was on meds for depression, I had asked the doctor how will I know it’s working, he said it will take some time, but one day you’ll look out and see that the grass is a little bit greener, you’ll notice that you actually really laughed at something, the sky will be bluer. Another teaching is that we are not here to change anything, we are here to see through it. Every day I swear I come across something where it’s more beautiful than in past experiences or I never experienced it in that way before. I can feel my heart expanding. I feel like it was the same as being on the meds, you just start to notice how things are different now. There has also been great changes in all of those around me and how they all function, too. When I do my work it also allows things to shift for them.

I would love for everyone to have exposure to what this work can do for you. I know what it did for me and as someone who does energy work, when I’m dealing with someone who is suffering, I can feel them, I can feel what they feel, and my heart goes out to them because I know there’s a way out. Of course it is up to them, but I want to do what I can do get this work out there, make it visible and accessible to everyone. Allow people to be able to have that opportunity and choice. Whether you are on your knees begging the universe and God for a way out or just experiencing a few small bumps in the road, this work can benefit anyone and everyone. Lately I’ve been having the experience of being out in public and when I come across a person and I can see they are so stuck in the illusion, I have this knowing that runs through me and says to them, one day you are going to wake up. I know that it is part of my purpose to provide the opportunity to allow others to awaken and I am so grateful to be able to be a part of The Kumara Center for Spiritual Awareness and its mission, and I am eternally grateful to Shusara Akona Kumara for being the amazing, precious guide that she is.