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Defiance

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Have you ever been in a situation where you decided to take a stand against an opposing force? Of course you have! Here are a few good examples:

Man to woman:  “You can’t tell me what to do! I’m going to do what I want, when I want and there’s nothing you can do about it!”

A child in the grocery store who falls on the floor, kicking and screaming, because her mother said she couldn’t have the sugary cereal.

A weight-lifter, swearing under his breath to the bar he’s trying to press, “You will NOT get the best of me. I will beat you!”

The down and out person who blames it all on God and asserts, “I don’t need you, anyway.”

Defiance is ego’s way of digging its heels in when it feels threatened and it stems from deep fear.  In the experience of being defiant, one doesn’t see the fear at play because the focus is on the opposing force. But defiance wouldn’t exist without challenge to something that the ego doesn’t want to give up.

It is part of the illusion of choice and control. The personal self believes that it is the one making choices and that its will determines its current and future conditions. But the energy found underneath defiance reveals how tenuous the whole belief truly is. Nothing believed in that results in fear can be real or true, because fear itself is a false state.

In highest Truth, there is nothing to fear. You are perfect and whole, just as the One source…your source…can only be perfect and whole. You have your existence within that source of perfect wholeness, or holiness.

But, you say, I don’t feel perfect and whole. I feel imperfect and disjointed. My life is a mess and everything I try to do to make it better always ends the same way.

And this, my friends, is your reality simply because your consciousness is still identified with the concept of the personal self. This identification is what sits underneath your sense of “you”…your likes/dislikes, your needs/desires, your satisfaction/dissatisfaction.

And it is that false sense of self which has to hold on tightly to its beliefs in order to feel like it has some sense of control. It is obvious that there are greater forces at play on the planet than the will of a human being. If a tidal wave is coming, your personal will cannot stop it from sweeping you away. If your body stops breathing, your personal will alone will not bring it back to life.

Humans, as self-aware beings, have forgotten, or have chosen to ignore, that there is a force greater than them. There is a force that makes the winds blow and the earth rotate on its axis. And this same force is what breathes you, or stops breathing you.  And yes, terrifying as it may be, that force could stop breathing you at any time…regardless of your desires or attempts to stop it.

That’s reality. It’s time to succumb to reality.

The reality is that you are nothing in and of yourself…on the level of the ego.

The reality is that you are everything within yourself…on the level of Spirit.

You are Spirit believing itself to be a person. Believing that life should be this way or that, that this is right and that is wrong, and that you can and will control your place in all of it. And this is precisely why it never works out for you. You have forgotten that the Source which made it all and runs it all has a plan for itself, as you, that the insignificant ego could never orchestrate.

Stop stomping your feet and shaking your fists toward the heavens. Stop judging yourself and judging the story of your life. Yield to that which is greater. The trickster that is defiance will only bring you more of the same undesirable results from the past.

It is time to get out of your own way. Pay attention to the world around you and follow the subtle inner promptings you receive from that higher aspect of yourself which is always present. It won’t make sense to the lower mind, but it doesn’t have to. Do it anyway. And in doing so, you will begin to witness the synchronicity and magic of a Spirit-led life.

It will put up a fight, and a strong one at that. But in the Light of Truth, defiance doesn’t stand a chance against what is real. All expressions of separation are destined to ultimately dissolve away. The question to ask yourself is this:

Is the temporary feeling of self-satisfaction resulting from your acts of defiance worth the perpetuation of your suffering?

Shusara

Shell Game

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A man is easily triggered by his teenage son’s bad attitude and gets offended when he feels his son is disrespecting him. He jumps all over his son about his behavior and both end up in a bad place.

The same man, out of soap, borrows the soap from his wife’s bathroom and leaves it in his own. The next day, the wife gets in the shower and recognizes, after it’s too late to get out, that she has no soap and she becomes angered. How disrespectful of him! She approaches him and dumps her terrible shower experience on him. He apologizes and tells her he completely forgot, that it wasn’t intentional…but the wife yells at him that she’s sick and tired of him taking things and never putting them back, causing her to constantly have to pick up after him.

Welcome to the “disrespect” shell game of the mind.

Here’s how it works…

The son disrespects his father by subconsciously acting in a way that he knows is a trigger for dad. He then feels disrespected by his father when his father yells at him and belittles him.

Dad feels disrespected by the son and turns around and acts disrespectful, feeling justified in doing it. He then disrespects his wife by taking her soap and not returning it…again this happens subconsciously because it creates another “disrespect” cycle for him to engage in. He knows not returning things is a trigger for her, but he does it anyway and justifies it because he can honestly say it slipped his mind. Then the husband feels victimized and disrespected by his wife who is scolding him about not having soap in her shower due to her husband’s lack of respect for her and her stuff.

The wife now feels victimized and disrespected by the forgetful husband and then shows her own disrespect toward him by shaming him over a bottle of soap, feeling justified because what he did was wrong and she wouldn’t do something like that to him.

On and on it goes…hide the peanut under the shell and then keep it all moving so no one can track it.

The mind is incredibly subtle at how it creates the situations which will ensure the story…in this case disrespect…continues. They all consciously believe that being respectful is a positive, and desirable, thing and try to be respectful of others, and even themselves. However, because the belief that respect is good and disrespect is bad is so strong, the mind has to hide it from them when they are disrespectful and it does so by using judgment and justifiers. 

Judgment:  “You’ve got an attitude problem, kid. Who the hell do you think you are talking to me like that? Show some respect for your elders!”

Justifier:  “It was an honest mistake. I didn’t mean to not return your soap.”  Or, “I yelled at him because that kid had it coming and he deserved it.”

One cycle begets another…person to person…on and on…and no one sees it happening, much less stops the cycle.

The faces and the forms change, but the story remains the same.

Shell game of the personal self.

Shusara

You Are Not Your Pain

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One of the most difficult things to bridge in dissolution work is the attachment the personal self has to its pain. Your sense of self is comprised of stories built upon disappointment, regret, fear, shame, anger, embarrassment, etc… all which are remembered, and continue to be experienced, as pain. But, what if you were able to actualize the understanding that you are not your pain? If you knew that your experiences of victimization, both emotional and physical, never were about you, but about the projections of the one who hurt you, how could you continue to hold your story of pain in place? You couldn’t. You see, there can be no story of pain without a perpetrator…a “bad” guy. Whether the bad guy in your stories is you or someone else, there has to be a perpetrator to create the experience of victimization.

The teachings show us that what you can’t own as yourself gets projected out onto others. People are so invested in defining what they “are” that they automatically hold themselves in opposition to what they believe they “are not.” This creates the magnetic repulsion required to hold the story of separation in place.

So, if you identify with being generous, you won’t see where you are selfish or greedy, but you will always see it in others and judge them for it. Likewise, if you pride yourself on being cautious, you won’t see your own recklessness. If you think you are unintelligent, you can’t see where you are intelligent. And even this: if you believe you are worthless, you won’t be able to witness your own brilliance.

Why do people seem to act as perpetrators? Simply because of the dynamic illustrated above. If they are to believe one thing about themselves, they must be repulsed by its opposite. In judging the opposite as wrong, they continue to hold their own identification as right. The focus is entirely on supporting the consciously held belief, and not really about the judgment that gets passed.

Here’s an example:

A father prides himself on being thrifty and good with money. When he hears that his daughter went out and purchased clothing on credit, he gets upset and proceeds to lecture her about her reckless use of credit and poor financial skills. The daughter, of course, feels victimized by her father. Even if she had made carefully thought-out plans for exactly how she would pay off her debt in a timely manner, she would still feel shame at having disappointed him. That shame would present itself through doubt and regret concerning her purchase, through a self-righteous attitude toward her father (like, he’s old and doesn’t understand how life is now, or he’s such a tightwad!), or a combination of both. It doesn’t matter how it presents in the girl, the foundation of it is the same pain. The only difference is that one way leaves her feeling her pain and the other works to repress the pain so she won’t feel her emotions so intensely. The girl sees her father as the bad guy. And the father has the same exact experience. Her financial choices were in opposition to something he identifies himself with. Therefore, she became a perpetrator to him when he found out about her credit card purchase. He experiences pain as he sees her as something “bad” or “wrong” because he is incapable of seeing her actions from outside of his own story.

Did the daughter intend to impose pain on her father when she bought the clothing? No. She most likely was oblivious to her father and his mindset when she fell in love with that outfit. From this vantage point, can we really say she is a perpetrator? Of course not. And, if the father was capable of seeing her actions as something unrelated to his beliefs, would he feel victimized by her? Not at all. So, where does the perpetrator exist for him? Only in his story of financial rights and wrongs. Did the father intend to impose pain on his daughter when he lectured her about money? Contrary to what the daughter would think, the answer is no. The father loves his daughter and wants the best for her. In his story, that best includes not racking up credit card debt. It is not dad’s heart that lectures the daughter, it is his fear. His fear about money and debt (taken on by his parents who lived through the Depression) gets projected out onto his daughter (seeing her as careless with money) and he reacts from that place. The reaction is automatic, based on his identification, which was learned. If the daughter could see that dad only reprimanded her because it brought his own fears to his doorstep, she wouldn’t see him as the bad guy, even if he did yell at her. Nor would she experience shame over her choice to buy the clothing, or a self-righteous attitude toward him. You see, she wouldn’t feel pain because she would know that it really wasn’t about her at all.

What holds it all in place for both of them? The identification with their stories; it is as simple as that. The pain experienced by each of them could not exist if the stories were not in place.

What is your pain? Your pain is the result of the attachment to what you believe about the story you have told yourself. When seen from beyond the story, what is witnessed is that none of it was ever true, nor will it ever be true.

You are not your pain. Now, drop the story.

Shusara