The lower mind functions from the space of domination, manipulation and control. Because the mind must always see itself in a good light (self-righteousness), it becomes very adept at justifying its behaviors with what it sees as benevolent reasons. The ego’s tricks are ever-so-subtle and only seen by the most skilled of people who understand how the ego functions and know how to spot the manipulation when it arises.
With this understanding, we can see that human relationship is built on the mind’s need for domination, manipulation and control. Even our current experiences of love, most often, aren’t truly love, but a feeling of satisfaction in a moment when our selfish needs are being met. I realize that sounds harsh, but that is the reality of human love. Human love is predicated on behavior. We love people when they live up to our expectations of what they should be, and we withhold our love from them when they don’t. That isn’t divine love. Divine love doesn’t withhold itself. Divine love doesn’t see someone’s actions and behaviors as being personal to it, but sees the program of fallen consciousness that is running on autopilot. It is the program which is hurtful and manipulative to others (which is really only to itself), and a program can’t be personal. Divine love loves all things equally. It will take right action in the moment and do what is necessary to show the other person what they need to see, by reflecting it back to them, but the whole time it is going on, the one who lives in divine love still loves the person who appears to be trying to hurt them. The one walking in divine love can say, “I will not accept that behavior in my life,” and will take actions necessary to ensure that they don’t, but this person will not say, “You have hurt me.” Divine love simply doesn’t take things personally.
The essence of us is divine. We are not “sparks” of God, which I hear so often, as if God created us from within itself and then sent us all out of itself. This is not accurate. You ARE God….you are a unique and individuated extension of the Divine and you live and have your Being within God.
The problem with life in a fallen world is that we believe everyone “out there” is separate from us, rather than seeing that we are all interconnected and interdependent. We are individuated, yes, but never separated. In highest truth, we are of the One…therefore, we ARE One. All is One. The fallen mind, on the other hand, thinks that there is a “me” and a “you,” and so experiences a world of beliefs founded on an inaccurate premise of Being. This leads to an inaccurate way of seeing and interpreting the world. Our belief that we are separate from others leads us to a life filled with fear, where we have to protect what we have and fight to win over others. Our relationships are built on what someone else will do for us and they fall apart when our needs stop being met. Our marriages are riddled with contempt, judgment, disrespect, grudges and anger with just enough moments of temporary joy to keep us enslaved in them. Enough moments where we are getting our selfish needs met to keep us from facing the reality of the life we are living the majority of the time. For instance, a husband will think his wife is a nag and she talks too much, but when she has sex with him his attitude will shift. He can put those feelings aside because his need is being met. He will experience satisfaction…even happiness. But it’s only temporary. He can’t hold that feeling for long. The morning after the sex he’s feeling great and is in a good mood. However, it would only take one text from his wife, reminding him of something he had neglected to do…like take out the trash…and that would be enough to swing him back into his normal mode of thinking about her. He blames her for his own failure, but he can’t see it. He knows when the trash needs to be taken out and he purposely neglects to do it, which may be conscious or unconscious on his part. He won’t do it because, deep down, he wants her to be angry. He blames her for his pain and wants her to feel it, too. So, he will create situations to ensure that she does, like ignoring her request to tend to the garbage. Then he will use that situation to prove to himself, yet again, that she is a nag. He never stops to consider that if he just took it out when he sees or hears that it is needed, his wife wouldn’t have any reason to remind him, or from his perspective, nag at him. You see, that would be counterproductive for the ego, in this case. The husband is too invested in being the victim in his relationship with his wife. He will hide things from himself that would take him out of victim role so that he won’t be able to see any way out of it. The ego is addicted to its story of self and the role it plays, which makes it very difficult to change. This is just one small example, but I’m sure you can look at your own life and begin to see where you fit in to the story. Remember, the names and forms change, but the story is always the same.
In a sacred relationship, one feels no need to dominate, manipulate or control the other. Each person is capable of functioning from a place of morality (morality being divine, not man-made) and unconditional love. What does this look like? Well, think of it this way. In a sacred relationship, you would not be affected emotionally by anything the other does, but at the same time, the other wouldn’t be doing anything that would be meant to affect you emotionally. Neither person would be involving themselves in behaviors that do not come from a place of love. There is the highest level of honor and respect in sacred relationship, as the essence of each is seen clearly and is loved unconditionally. It is inclusive….never exclusive. Lower mental functions like comparing, judging and criticizing have no place here.
In a sacred marriage relationship, the individuals come together to celebrate each other’s uniqueness and to uplift one another. The physical bond between partners can bring the most intense level of intimacy where they will experience, in the physical, their complete merging and will experience themselves as one unit, not feeling where one stops and the other begins. Couples in sacred marriage live with wide open hearts. They are completely vulnerable to the other. Most of you probably cringed reading that last line, because the ego feels like it has to protect itself from being hurt. An open heart fears nothing and any expectation is has can only be a positive one. Therefore, it is utterly vulnerable. But, remember, that when both partners exist in this state, there would be no reason not to be vulnerable, because no one would do anything to hurt the other. They both love unconditionally. Neither withholds love from the other. They communicate immediately and effectively if something comes up, thus clearing any misunderstanding or miscommunication before it can turn into something negative. In a sacred union, you understand that you hold the heart of the other in your hands. You clearly see the responsibility you carry for that privilege and you remain constantly aware of your duty to nurture and protect the heart of your beloved.
Imagine a wide open heart that has NO fears…no walls…no barriers…not an iota of constriction around it; just a heart deeply in love with all of creation, because it sees it all as itself…as The Self. That is divine love and when live there, you will experience sacred relationship.